Lightning Fill In The Blank

Dec 23, 2017
Originally published on December 23, 2017 11:12 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it is time for our final game. It's called Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players now has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Peter has three. Roxanne has four. And Alonzo has two.

SAGAL: That means that, Alonzo, you are in third place. You're going to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, the EU's highest court declared that rideshare service blank must comply with the same rules as traditional taxi company.

ALONZO BODDEN: Uber.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In what police are calling an intentional act, 14 people were injured after a car drove into Christmas shoppers in blank.

BODDEN: Australia.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. The Coloradan who fed a deer that walked into his shop was surprised when, 90 minutes later, the deer blanked.

BODDEN: Came back?

SAGAL: Yes, with his whole family.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Hello. Despite reports to the contrary, this week, the director of the blank said there were no banned words at their agency.

BODDEN: Oh, the CDC.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: With a domestic box office of $220 million, the eighth movie in the blank series had the second largest opening weekend in history.

BODDEN: "Star Wars."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, scientists studying monkeys in Japan caught the females blanking.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BODDEN: Faking it?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, they found the female macaque monkeys mating with deer.

BODDEN: At a grocery store in Colorado?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, that's why they're - that's why they were trying to get into the store in Colorado. Like, keep us away from the monkeys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The study was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior and found that female macaques in Japan are regularly engaging in sexual activity with deer. The monkeys kind of jump on the deer's back. And then they bump and grind - they're - like they're at a high school dance. The finding comes a surprise to pretty much everyone...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Except, of course, Rick Santorum, who's like, I warned you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do?

KURTIS: He got five right. Ten more points. Total to 12. And you're in the lead, Alonzo.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Well done, Alonzo. Now, next up, I believe, is Mr. Peter Grosz. Fill in the blank, Peter. This week, the U.N. passed a measure condemning the Trump administration's decision to recognize blank as Israel's capital.

PETER GROSZ: Jerusalem.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the Senate Intelligence Committee announced it was investigating Green Party presidential candidate blank for possible collusion with Russia.

GROSZ: Jill Stein.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, another soldier crossed the DMZ, making him the 15th person to defect from blank this year.

GROSZ: North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, disgraced former archbishop of Boston blank died at the age of 86.

GROSZ: Law.

SAGAL: Yes, Bernard Law.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a good Samaritan in New York paid for an inebriated stranger's Uber ride and then also blanked.

GROSZ: Got in the car with them?

SAGAL: No, and then also had to pay for the $150 fee that was charged when the girl threw up in the car.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, microblogging site blank suspended the accounts of several well-known white nationalists.

GROSZ: Twitter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Saying that it's to prevent battery issues, Apple admitted Thursday that they intentionally slow down older blank models.

GROSZ: iPhone?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in Montana called 911 to report that a woman had blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

GROSZ: She had brought her whole family with her....

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He called 911 to report a woman for lying on her online dating profile.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Using this hint that she had lied on her profile, officials searched for the woman. They were able to narrow the list down to literally everyone who's ever used an online dating site.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Peter do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Peter moved into the lead. Six right, 12 more points. Total of 15 - very healthy.

SAGAL: All right.

GROSZ: Very healthy.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It is your weekly math problem, Bill.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: How many does Roxanne need to win, as she loves to do?

KURTIS: Only six.

SAGAL: Oh, my God. Here we go, Roxanne. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, it was reported that the train that crashed in blank was going 50 miles an hour above the speed limit.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: In Seattle.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROBERTS: Or in Washington state.

SAGAL: Yeah...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Near Tacoma. On Thursday, Democratic Senator blank gave his final address to the Senate.

ROBERTS: Franken.

SAGAL: Yes, Al Franken.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, President Trump said he had no plans to fire special counsel blank.

ROBERTS: Robert Mueller.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Late on Thursday, the Senate passed a stopgap spending bill, allowing Congress to avert a partial blank.

ROBERTS: Shutdown.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a Delta flight had to make an emergency landing after blank?

ROBERTS: There was a woman who was smoking in the bathroom. And then she threatened to kill everybody. And maybe it wasn't that.

SAGAL: No, this was the flight that had to land because everybody on the plane had to go to the bathroom.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Following allegations of misconduct, Jerry Richardson, the owner of the blanks, announced plans he will sell the team.

ROBERTS: The Carolina Panthers.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, John Schnatter announced he was stepping down as the CEO of his pizza chain, blank.

ROBERTS: Papa John's.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New Zealand authorities responded to reports of a man...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Trapped inside a ravine and screaming, found a blank.

ROBERTS: A school of fish...

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: ...Having a good time.

SAGAL: They found a goat.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: A goat. I love goats.

SAGAL: Emergency crews - yeah, we all do - rushed to the area after receiving a concerned call from a passerby who said he'd heard screaming from a nearby ravine. They searched, and they determined that the cries for help were actually coming from a goat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Satisfied, the officers left the scene and were able to move on to the next case - finding the evil witch who turned the man into a goat.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Did they save the goat?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I believe they saved the goat. But the goat...

ROBERTS: Did they save the goat?

SAGAL: The goat is fine. The goat - do not worry about the goat. The goat is fine.

ROBERTS: I always worry about goats.

(CROSSTALK)

ROBERTS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Of course.

KURTIS: She got six.

SAGAL: Nothing is more inevitable.

KURTIS: She got 16, and she is the winner this week.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.