Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:05 pm
Fri March 8, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat March 9, 2013 9:50 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our shows in Rockford, Illinois at the beautiful Coronado Theater there on April 4th. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JENNIFER PATTON: Hi, this is Jennifer Patton from Waltham, Massachusetts.

SAGAL: Hey, Waltham. I know Waltham.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey.

SAGAL: How are you?

PATTON: Good, how are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. How are things in Waltham?

PATTON: They are fantastic, the site of the industrial revolution.

SAGAL: This is true. What did they invent there? The cotton gin, the steel mill.

PATTON: It was the site of industrial espionage, as Paul Moody went over to England and memorized how to make cloth.

SAGAL: Oh, I see, and he brought it back and to this day they actually don't make any of that stuff there anymore.

PATTON: There you go.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jennifer. Bill Kurtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. And if you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to go?

PATTON: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'm wrapped tight with my body and head snug, so I'll sleep without help of a dread drug. And no infestation will cause consternation. My cocoon will keep out every?

PATTON: Bed bug.

SAGAL: Indeed.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The war against the bed bugs is over, and we lost. So, before you get in bed, crawl in the new Bed Bug Cocoon, made of quote, "specially woven fabric that is impervious to bed bugs," unquote. The best part, the next morning when you wake up, you are a beautiful butterfly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, that's not true. Actually, you emerge from the cocoon and then the bed bugs eat you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They've been waiting.

POUNDSTONE: Who made this?

SAGAL: It is of course Sky Mall.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

SAGAL: Who else?

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my gosh, I love Sky Mall.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I love Sky Mall. It makes me feel so good about myself, because I look through it and there's not one thing I need.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, I'm like, I'm all right with nose hair. I don't care.

(LAUGHTER)

FIROOZEH DUMAS: You don't need a foot tanner.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, and I'm certainly not going to make a welcome mat with it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't think you make the welcome mat with the nose hair trimming.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, I thought there was a relationship.

ROY BLOUNT JR: With the nose hair...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Unmanned spy planes I do not condone, so some heat-blocking garments I've sewn. Discreet urban fashion is my private passion, and these clothes help me hide from a?

PATTON: Drone.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, drone.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Drones can track you with thermal imaging, but not if you're wearing new drone-proof clothing called Stealth Wear. The large, silver tent-like garments make you completely invisible to drones and to potential mates.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: However, the new predator drones can defeat this defense with their new ugly seeking missiles. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: They're self-check-in, nor porter, no bell, and the beds needs assembling. Oh, well. We start out the day with a Swedish buffet at Ikea's new budget?

PATTON: Hotel.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ikea has teamed up with Marriott to launch a chain of budget hotels across Europe. They'll be furnished with Ikea furniture. They'll serve Ikea meatballs from the stables outside.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they'll drive guests crazy when the TVs in the room turn out to be plastic fakes. It'll be just like Ikea. Just be prepared for the crowds of shoppers wandering through your room while you sleep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do?

KURTIS: Jennifer held up the industrial revolution with a three, perfect score.

SAGAL: Oh, well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Jennifer. Thank you so much for playing.

PATTON: Thank you.

SAGAL: OK, bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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