Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
7:51 pm
Fri April 12, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat April 13, 2013 10:25 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our show later this summer on August 29th at Tanglewood in Lenox, Massachusetts. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

MANNIE LOWE: Hi Peter, this is Mannie Lowe from Oxford, Mississippi.

SAGAL: Oh, Oxford, Mississippi. And what do you do there?

LOWE: I'm the program manager for the First Tech Challenge Robotics Competition for the state working at the Center for Mathematics and Science Education at the university.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: My daughter has done robotics competitions at the junior high school level. And they're so much fun. These are the competitions where teams of kids are supposed to build robots from a set of parts that can perform a task.

LOWE: That's exactly right.

SAGAL: Yeah, the task that was assigned to my daughter's class was to become sentient and rise up and kill all the humans.

(LAUGHTER)

LOWE: I'm still working on it.

SAGAL: Well, Mannie, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly two times, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

LOWE: Ready to go.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: In this fish sneeze, a shark has been caught. It is thin and strong, check out this knot. Folks won't rebuke us for using fish mucous. Skip spider silk, use this fish...

LOWE: Snot.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So is wearing clothes made from what comes out of a silkworm's behind not disgusting enough for you? Well, thanks to scientists in New Zealand we've got the next big thing, fabric made from the snot of the hagfish. It's good there's a use for it because they're nothing more annoying than a hagfish with a cold.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wherever you are right now, no matter how bad your job is, know that somewhere there's a guy whose job title is fish snot harvester.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Who was the person who even thought, yeah, let's look there.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: You know?

SAGAL: It's true.

FAITH SALIE: Let's not waste that.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Since I'm lazy, this job is a keeper, no distractions by cell phone or beeper. It's just eight hours rest, that's the thing I do best, I've become a professional...

LOWE: Sleeper.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. The Finn Hotel in Helsinki is seeking a, quote, "professional sleeper"...

BURBANK: Hold on, hold on, I'm writing this down.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...to test its beds and rooms for comfort for a period of 35 nights. It does sound like a dream job, but do not let your boss catch you awake in your bed.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: I'm just thinking that this isn't a real job. This is just someone, like an executive at the Finn Hotel wanted to put someone in the family on the payroll.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're supposed to sleep...

BODDEN: Like, all right. You'll be a sleeper, get in there and we'll just...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: ...we'll just slip some cash to you every week. Just get mom off my back.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KASELL: Blow the hair out and curl it like noodles, feed them steroids and stuff them with strudels. You can't sell a ferret just on its own merit, so let's groom them and sell them as...

LOWE: Poodles.

SAGAL: Yes, poodles.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know what it's like. You meet a nice poodle, you talk, you do a little petting. You get home, it turns out she's a ferret.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An Argentinean market was selling poodles and Chihuahuas that owners have realized were actually ferrets on steroids.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is the only time you'll ever hear the phrase on steroids meaning on steroids. They gave them the steroids to help them grow to more poodle-like size. And watch out, because there's no roid rage like ferret roid rage.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That has to be the dumbest customer.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I mean, that - you know something? If you're good enough to sell someone a ferret as a poodle, you should be allowed to keep their money.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Just in the principle of it.

BODDEN: Just the - that is the ultimate con. There are Nigerians looking at that saying, wow, that...

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Mannie do in our quiz?

KASELL: Mannie, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Mannie, and thanks for playing.

LOWE: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: It's great to have you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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