Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
4:53 pm
Fri November 8, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat November 9, 2013 9:38 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Memphis Tennessee on December 19th! Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KELLY MURRAY: Hi, Peter. This is Kelly Murray from Napa, California.

SAGAL: Oh, beautiful Napa. And what do you do there? Do you drink wines all day and admire the beauty of your surroundings?

MURRAY: I do that but I'm also a compliance clerk for the local electric company.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's not very Napa.

MURRAY: It pays the bills to live in Napa.

SAGAL: I guess so.

P.J. O'ROURKE: There you go, OK.

MURRAY: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Kelly. Carl Kasell's going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

MURRAY: Ready to go.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: When my circus rolls back into town the ladies start tracking me down. They cannot refuse my makeup and shoes. The ladies love dating a...

MURRAY: ...clown?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, clown.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Imagine how hard it is to find love if every time you approach someone they run screaming from you. ClownDating.com hopes to make it easier for single clowns...

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Well, you know...

SAGAL: You're not supposed to laugh at them now.

GOLDTHWAIT: But I can't believe a clown would have a problem dating because of the big shoes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And you know what they say about men with really enormous shoes.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah - no, what do they say?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That they're probably clowns.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It occurs to me, Bobcat, you made a movie about a world in which everyone is a clown.

GOLDTHWAIT: I made an alcohol clown movie, yes.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: I ended up on the Today Show debating a clown when the movie came out.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: It's a true story, and when I showed up I didn't know that a clown was - that was going to happen. And the producer stops me in the hallway and she goes, a clown's going to debate you on the program.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: And I go, yeah, I know, I've seen your show.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: I'd like to be smart, cool, and witty, but her looks twist my brain, here's the pity. By myself I'm misled 'cause she goes to my head. I forget what I've said 'cause she's...

MURRAY: ...pretty?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new study from Texas Christian University found people suffer momentary memory loss when talking to beautiful people, right. The way it works is we uglies exaggerate to impress the pretties, and then later, we can't remember what's real and what's made up.

O'ROURKE: Oh man, this is like so my excuse now at home.

SAGAL: It is. You're like why...

O'ROURKE: Honey, I forgot the milk and eggs because you're so pretty.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Studies show...

SAGAL: From now on there's hot and then there's amnesia hot.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Either knees are rococo and gaudy, or surgeons 'til now have been shoddy. This lateral ligament's more than a figament. We've found a new part of the...

MURRAY: ...body.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This week scientists in Belgium announced they had discovered a new human body part. We heard this news and it's like: this is great. Is it going to be like wings? I'd like wings.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or maybe we have a tail? That would be awesomely useful while texting and driving.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But no, and what is probably the most disappointing news of the week, it's a little ligament that's part of your knee. It's called the anterlateral ligament, and nobody ever noticed it before. That's all it is. That's right, people: you were just sitting there and you all just gained weight.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There's more of you now.

O'ROURKE: Great.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Kelly do?

KASELL: Kelly, you had three correct answers so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

MURRAY: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: (Unintelligible) to have you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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