Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
10:24 am
Sat August 24, 2013

Panel Round Two

Originally published on Mon August 26, 2013 9:51 am

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Kyrie O'Connor, Paula Poundstone and Adam Felber. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. In just a minute, Carl writes his first ever Modern Limerick column for the New York Rhymes. It's the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, there are now millions of apps for the iPad but until now none of them were usable by whom?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: By iPad users.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We all just stare at them helplessly, not being able to use them.

POUNDSTONE: It's frustrating, isn't it?

SAGAL: I know, it is.

POUNDSTONE: I - can you give me a hint? I have no idea who doesn't use them.

SAGAL: Yeah, well...

POUNDSTONE: The president's dog. I don't know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well actually, you're right, dogs.

POUNDSTONE: Animals.

Dogs, yeah.

SAGAL: Dogs can't use apps. Darn it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Now they might be able to.

POUNDSTONE: The injustice of it all.

SAGAL: We all remember like in the - I don't know if this ever happened but in the old, like, '50s sitcoms the dog was supposed to go out and fetch the paper, right?

POUNDSTONE: Sure.

SAGAL: Well, now nobody gets papers so the dogs can't do that. But if you take your dog to the special dog obedience class being taught in New York City, the dog may be able to learn to launch your TMZ app with its nose.

(SOUNDBITE OF DISGUST)

SAGAL: That's the idea anyway.

POUNDSTONE: Because it's challenging for a person to do?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, I mean, people have asked this trainer, they said, what is the point of teaching your dog to use an iPad and the trainer points out, there's really no point to humans using it either so...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know what? These kinds of things are addictive and I already have a problem with my son and electronics. If my dogs...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...you know, the idea that I have to say to them, 15 more minutes...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...you know, and then you put it away for the night, I don't think I can take the paw holes in the walls.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I don't think it's good for home life.

SAGAL: No.

POUNDSTONE: If it's not, you know, if it's not good for us, certainly it's not good for dogs. And I think we learned that with the rawhide chew toys.

ADAM FELBER: Yeah. Why do we have to learn the same lessons again and again?

POUNDSTONE: Hold on a minute, pppttt, still had some.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kyrie, good news for Anheuser Busch, Budweiser was found to be the number one beer among people who visit where?

KYRIE O'CONNOR: I think I'm going to need a little more to go on.

SAGAL: Well, sometimes you need to remove the bottle from their hand before you bandage it up.

O'CONNOR: Is it the emergency room?

SAGAL: Yes, the emergency room.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: How do they know that?

SAGAL: They went around and asked.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, that's ridiculous.

SAGAL: They did. They...

POUNDSTONE: So you go in and you're bleeding or seizing up and they go, what beer do you drink?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They make...

POUNDSTONE: What's your - do you have Medical and what beer do you drink? That seems invasive, I think.

FELBER: Yeah, and Bud does sound like the noise that people tend to make when they're having a heart attack.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, right.

FELBER: Bud, bud, bud.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: So I would question the veracity of that study.

SAGAL: Yeah. out here in the Midwest a lot of people die while going Old Style, Old Style.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The people - according to Paula a study from Johns Hopkins, a very notable school - Budweiser is the number one beer people drink right before they end up in the ER. Also making the list were Bud Light, Bud Ice and Bud gum.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now Budweiser challenged the finding. They should embrace it though. They are to beer what Mountain Dew is to soda. It's fuel for the stupid.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You can see the ads in which Clydesdales are trotting by. You know, in the Budweiser Clydesdales? And some guy goes, hey dude, want to see me punch that horse?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kyrie, a new vending machine is hitting the streets in Japan. You can now buy what without going to a store?

O'CONNOR: Oh, my goodness.

SAGAL: This could be a huge blow to Victoria Secret.

O'CONNOR: Underwear?

SAGAL: Well, how about a bra?

O'CONNOR: How about a bra?

SAGAL: How about a bra? You can buy it in a vending machine.

FELBER: How about those bras?

SAGAL: How about those bras in that vending machine? Oh, my god.

O'CONNOR: So they have little sizes like (unintelligible)?

SAGAL: Yeah, well, this is something for the woman who gets halfway to work and realizes she once again has forgotten her bra. It happens to me.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: A bra manufacturer in Japan has created a new vending machine that dispenses bras. Women can go to the vending machine, insert their money, select a size and style they want and watch as the selected bra gets caught by its strap and dangles halfway down.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Right.

O'CONNOR: You're shaking the machine.

POUNDSTONE: You can also get them from that machine with the claw where it dips down.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, that would be awesome.

POUNDSTONE: That's a fun way to do it. I got to tell you something. If I were on my way to work...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...and I realized I had forgotten my bra and I had to have it for work...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...I would quit.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: See, I would think you'd be a little more resourceful. I would think that you would pull over and MacIver some kind of bra thing.

POUNDSTONE: Oh yeah, that I might craft it from like seaweed or something.

FELBER: ...paperclips or seaweed, yeah.

POUNDSTONE: No.

SAGAL: Well, I brought yogurt for lunch, that's one cup and I...

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Well, you walk into work wreaking of blueberry, that's probably not a good thing.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, it's not the blueberry that would bother people. It's the probiotics.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: That can cause chafing.

O'CONNOR: Where would they have these vending machines? At the gas station? I don't think so.

SAGAL: Presumably you want to put a vending machine in a place where people who might need that thing would like easy access to it (unintelligible)...

FELBER: So you put it right next to Mayor Filner's office.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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