Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
4:59 am
Sat June 1, 2013

Who's Bill This Time

Originally published on Sat June 1, 2013 9:52 am

Transcript

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis...

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: ...filling in for Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Fun show for you today. We got Deepak Chopra on. He'll be coming on later to adjust our chakras.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But first, we're very excited, first of all, that our own Carl Kasell will be coming back with us next week. But we are gonna miss Bill Kurtis. Bill, what has it been like to step down from your perch as a legendary anchorman and do our show?

KURTIS: Well, Peter, I'll go back to my mansion, slip out of the finest silk into even finer silk and reflect on how much I've learned about the simple pleasures from you common folk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Glad we could provide that experience for you. If you'd like to join us in our rough-hewn games, give us a call, the number is 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!

ERIC RAPLEY: Hi, this is Eric Rapley. I live in Stillwater, Oklahoma.

SAGAL: Oh, Oklahoma, what do you do there?

RAPLEY: I'm a graduate student. I earned my PhD in accounting this summer.

SAGAL: Oh, you did?

AMY DICKINSON: A PhD?

RAPLEY: Yeah, it sounds awesome, doesn't it?

SAGAL: It does.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: It does. It's triple the fun.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: That's creative accounting, I guess.

SAGAL: Yeah, what does one do with a doctorate in accounting?

RAPLEY: Well, you know, the usual thing, you think host the Oscars, Navy Seal Sniper.

SAGAL: Absolutely.

(LAUGHTER)

RAPLEY: Work in H&R Block. But...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Any of those, they're all open to you.

RAPLEY: Yeah, but I'm going to be a professor at the University of North Texas.

SAGAL: Well, that's great. Well, I'm so glad to have you on the show. Welcome. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, an author and humorist whose latest book is "Alphabetter Juice," Roy Blount, Jr.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Hello.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, the woman behind the syndicated advice column Ask Amy, it's Amy Dickinson.

DICKINSON: Hey, Eric.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Finally, for the first time on our show, a Jeopardy super champion whose newest book is "Because I Said So," Mr. Ken Jennings.

(APPLAUSE)

KEN JENNINGS: Hey there.

SAGAL: Eric, you ready to play?

RAPLEY: I think so.

SAGAL: You're going to play, Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis, filling in once more for Carl Kasell, is going to recreate for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering machine. Are you ready to go?

RAPLEY: Yup.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote comes from Mad magazine commenting on a photo op in New Jersey this week.

KURTIS: "It is a rare display of both bipartisanship and unbridled bromance."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The bromantic couple in question was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, and whom?

RAPLEY: President Obama?

SAGAL: Indeed, President Obama.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, very good. Seven months after they first looked into each other's eyes on the windswept shores of post-Sandy New Jersey, the two star-crossed politicians met again on the reconstructed Boardwalk. President Obama bought himself a cotton candy and said: Hello, Chris.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the Governor looked him in the eyes and said: Hey, you gonna finish that?

(LAUGHTER)

JENNINGS: The hurricane swept away all their inhibitions.

JR.: Yup, yup.

SAGAL: Well, this is...

JR.: Unbridled bromance, it makes me think of two wild horses.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The president and the governor took this turn at a carnival game, where you have five chances to throw a football through a tire. If you manage it, you win an erection that lasts more than four hours.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But Obama tries this and he whiffs, five times. Can't do it. Christie gets up, you know, supposedly the un-atheletic of the pair, zing. Gets it. You know.

JENNINGS: Or maybe Obama, knowing that, you know, it's nerve-wracking for Chris Christie to be on a man-date with the leader of the free world, you know.

DICKINSON: A man-date.

JENNINGS: He misses five times on purpose, you know. Well, why don't you take a shot, Chris.

SAGAL: Oh, maybe you can win that for me, Chris. And he did.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Did he get like a...

SAGAL: He did. And he won a teddy bear, as soon as he won a teddy bear for the president.

JENNINGS: Could you win the big panda for me, Governor Christie?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, god. Chris Christie has become so notorious in the GOP for buddying up to Obama that he's become kind of a byword. James Inhofe of Oklahoma was asked if he would be seen with the president or reach out to the president as they took care of the tornado damage. And he said: "Oh, no, I'm not going to pull a Chris Christie," quote, unquote. Which is ironic because before Christie lost all that weight, pulling Chris Christie was the big competition at the state fair.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Eric, are you ready for your next quote?

RAPLEY: I am, yes.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, Eric, the next quote comes from the mayor of Toronto responding to reporters at a press conference on Wednesday.

KURTIS: "I guess we don't have any questions about the flood this morning."

SAGAL: Nope. Turns out most of the questions that the mayor of Toronto got that day were about the fact that he allegedly did what?

RAPLEY: Drug use, isn't it? Cocaine?

SAGAL: Close enough, he smoked crack, allegedly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is on a one-man epic crusade to make sure we never make any Canada-is-boring jokes again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Last week, the Toronto Star ran a story saying two of their reporters had seen a video of the mayor smoking crack with some drug dealer friends of his, one of whom has since been mysteriously killed.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: You know, of all cities, I mean, most mayors of, you know, think, sure, they smoke crack, but Toronto?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, it seems unusual.

JR.: Yeah.

SAGAL: Crack is hard. I mean, you know, Ted Kennedy we know liked to drink. And President Obama has admitted to smoking a lot of grass in his youth. And we're like, OK, none of us are perfect. We have vices. But nobody has ever said: Oh, wow, man, tough day, I some crack to take the edge off.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The crack puts the edge on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's not a gateway drug, it's the drug you are on when you have gone through all the gateways. That's where you end up.

(LAUGHTER)

JENNINGS: I like that a politician is embracing new media, I guess.

SAGAL: That's true.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JENNINGS: He did not smoke crack, you know, and not put it on the internet.

SAGAL: That's true.

JR.: Transparency is what they call it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Eric, is your last quote. It's from Fox News contributor, Juan Williams.

KURTIS: "Something is going terribly wrong in American society."

SAGAL: Mr. Williams was referring to a new study that says more and more women are the primary what in their households?

RAPLEY: Breadwinners.

SAGAL: Yes, or wage earner. Very good, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A report out this week says that 4 in 10 American households now have a woman as the primary breadwinner, which is amazing because we didn't know there were that many ways to win bread.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: There you go, yeah. Get out there and win me some bread. And win me some of them mustard sardines, too.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I don't even know where to start. I don't know.

SAGAL: Well, this is true. I mean, this number of female heads of household earning the money has quadrupled since the 1960s. A lot of men objected angrily to this news. They say it's the role of men to be the person who supports the family. They were also angry because they couldn't find the remote and it was time for Sports Center.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: And I love how the reaction to this was so overtly sexist. It was kind of unbelievable.

JR.: Oh, you would say that.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yeah, you know, here is the thing about women, is they're constantly saying things are sexist.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Isn't that just like them?

SAGAL: Isn't that just like a woman?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: We're laughing all the way to the bank, my friend.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

JR.: Let's get away from this one.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: It's skewing in a bad direction.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Eric do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Eric did Oklahoma state proud. Eric was perfect.

SAGAL: There you go.

(APPLAUSE)

JENNINGS: Very nice, Eric.

SAGAL: Well done, Eric, thanks so much for playing.

RAPLEY: Thanks, Peter.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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